Discovering your roots

"We want to  live with all races"

I was born when the distinction between white and non-white was still hugely emphasised in South Africa. It was a time when the government took radical steps to ensure that different racial groups remained separate. Interracial marriages and relationships were prohibited. And from what I've read, the passing of the Immorality Act and the  Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act,  actually resulted in the breaking up of many families. The Group Areas Act, also led to the splitting of families, because certain groups were no longer allowed to live in certain areas. So if you were married to someone of a different racial group at the time that this law was passed, you needed to pack your things and find another place to live (where your racial group was welcome). The government systematically oppressed non-whites. They dictated where people could live and buy property, they controlled the movements of individuals and groups, they ensured that only whites were empowered through education (the rest were dis-empowered by the education they received) and they even controlled the relationships that people were allowed to have.

Some believe this was a better state of affairs.

It was a time in our history that will no easily be forgotten and the wounds will not heal overnight. I'm always surprised and slightly disgusted when I hear people saying "things were so much better back then" I, for one, am glad that people are free today and that love and friendship are no longer governed by these sick laws. I'm glad that my worth, intelligence and personal development are not determined by the colour of my skin!

I've side-tracked a bit (not surprising when the topic is related to Apartheid in some way). Nevertheless, I was born in these times - to a white father and coloured mother. They had their fair share of troubles under the previous regime. They were often running from the police and needed to live quite inconspicuously in order to avoid unnecessary attention, which could lead to brutal attacks from the police and even jail-time. But in spite of all their attempts to stay out of sight, they were still spotted at times and attacked.  When I was younger I always assumed that these laws and conditions in the country prevented us from meeting my father's family. By 1994, when democracy finally came, I was living far away from Cape Town, I was a  young girl attending high school and, I guess, I never really thought about meeting them at that stage, because I don't recall wondering about them.

As I got older I started wondering about them again. I'd moved back to Cape Town and I started thinking how strange it was that I'd never met any of my uncles, aunts or cousins. I was an adult already! Apartheid was long gone - no laws, no restriction. Why had I not met them yet? I guess life just works that way - you don't miss what you don't know.

About 2 weeks ago, my mom calls me up and asks me to go with them to see my father's brother. Wow! At the age of 30, when I was actually beginning to accept that meeting them wasn't really in the plan for this life and knowing them wasn't a necessary element for the achievement of my purpose in this life, here comes this invitation...

I must admit, it was a very strangest experience. Sitting there, in the company of people who are related to me and at the same time are complete strangers. Family - yet no bond, no history, no memories. Peculiar, to say the least.

So, I finally met them. All these years I'd wondered how that very scene would play out. I was obviously a little bit shocked, since in my head I'd never imaged that they could be just ordinary people like the rest of us. They were something else in my head. It's funny the stories we tell ourselves...the things we cook up in our heads.

Nevertheless, I've realised that making that connection was quite important. There's something strangely significant about knowing where you come from and understanding your roots. There will always be some sort of void in your life (whether you realise it or not) until you make that connection. Hearing stories about my great grandparents and how my farther and his siblings were raised was a special and eye-opening experience. I've always loved it when the old people tell stories about the days when they were young. It leaves me with such a special feeling. Those stories seem like they come from far-away places - and in some way they do -  that can only be recreated in the imagination

Though, I can't completely describe how yet, I have become more grounded as an individual now that I've discovered my roots...

DISCOVERY: Like trees, our roots ground us. Family plays a significant role in the formation of our identities and until we know our families, we are in some way incomplete. I however, feel like there's another lesson in this for me, one which has not yet become clear to me, but I believe that in time it will. This lesson has to do with the timing of them showing up in my life. I believe that there is significance in that too, but I'm yet to discover it.

I also had a chance to revisit a discovery I'd made about myself a long time ago, while writing this post - I hate racism! Actually, I hate all types of oppression. I don't think I need to say much more about this - it needs no explanation.

The rose quartz that found me

I've always believed that crystals find their way to the people they need to help. 

Whenever I'd gotten a new crystal, I always got the sense that it was calling out to me or attracting me magnetically, in some way. That's how I always knew which one I wanted ,even thought there were many others to choose from. It's almost like an instant connection with THAT stone and then you simply have to have it. 

Then, there are those crystals that somehow find their way to you.  Sometimes a friend would give me one, but sometimes a crystal would "find"  me all by itself...

So, I work with a life coach and recently we got to talking about relationships and how past pain could have such a devastating effect on how you deal with future relationships. I started a very unhealthy relationship -  that would eventually lead to a 5 year roller-coaster ride -  at the age of 19. A few months into this relationship I realised that he was a cheater, but for some reason I was unable to let go and ended up exposing myself to nearly 5 years of emotional abuse. 

Me being ME, looked back at the experience after ending it and said: "it was bad, but I learned so much and I choose to see only how this experience has helped me to grow personally and to discover my own strength". I admitted to myself that I was feeling pain, but I wasn't going to dwell on it - not knowing that quite possibly the things I'd been through and some of the insecurities I'd built up over the years, had gone and settled in my subconscious and would be back to haunt me each time anything that resembled a real relationship showed up. 

I never even admitted to myself that I was sabotaging every possibility for a relationship. I mean, there was always a reason why he wasn't good enough (too short, too sweet, too...you get my point). And I was always the victim when I  picked another cheater that would do the same thing he did. Subconsciously, I had decided to make sure that "relationship" was not a road that I was going to travel on again for a very long time. 

Well, when I finally became aware of the fact that I might have these things in my subconscious, that were actually preventing me from finding love, it really started to scare me. Was  I going to be alone for the rest of my life, because of this subconscious sabotage? And here's were the crystal comes in...

So, right after having these thoughts I went to a friend's place for a visit. As I got into my car to leave her place, my door still open, I looked on the ground right next to my car for some reason and there in the dirt this rose quartz crystal was waiting for me to collect it. I immediately picked it up and said to my friend:  It's a rose quartz crystal!" Her not being too interested in this worthless stone I'd just picked up  said : "Really? Take it if you want it." And so I did. 

The next night, I looked it up in my crystal book and it said that this stone is supposed to help with all sorts of love. Self love, friendship love, romantic love - any kind of love. Also, it helps with to heal wounds from past relationships and broken hearts. At this point I quite frankly had to pick my bottom lip up from the floor. For some reason I'd never paid much attention to rose quartz in the past and all of a sudden one appears when I'm dealing with exactly the issue it's meant to heal??

I just found this fascinating and I don't believe for a second that this was purely a coincidence. This crystal found me at the right time for the right reason!

I carry it with me now - let's see what happens.

http://healing.about.com/u/ua/talkrocks/rose-quartz.htm

DISCOVERY: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” - Paulo Coelho, in his famous and loved book, The Alchemist. This quote best describes this experience for me. When we set our minds to something, we do not have to worry about the how, because the mere fact that we have already made the decision, brings the means into our lives, without much effort on our part. This may seem a little bit airy-fairy, but I've experienced it often in life.