Discovering your roots

"We want to  live with all races"

I was born when the distinction between white and non-white was still hugely emphasised in South Africa. It was a time when the government took radical steps to ensure that different racial groups remained separate. Interracial marriages and relationships were prohibited. And from what I've read, the passing of the Immorality Act and the  Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act,  actually resulted in the breaking up of many families. The Group Areas Act, also led to the splitting of families, because certain groups were no longer allowed to live in certain areas. So if you were married to someone of a different racial group at the time that this law was passed, you needed to pack your things and find another place to live (where your racial group was welcome). The government systematically oppressed non-whites. They dictated where people could live and buy property, they controlled the movements of individuals and groups, they ensured that only whites were empowered through education (the rest were dis-empowered by the education they received) and they even controlled the relationships that people were allowed to have.

Some believe this was a better state of affairs.

It was a time in our history that will no easily be forgotten and the wounds will not heal overnight. I'm always surprised and slightly disgusted when I hear people saying "things were so much better back then" I, for one, am glad that people are free today and that love and friendship are no longer governed by these sick laws. I'm glad that my worth, intelligence and personal development are not determined by the colour of my skin!

I've side-tracked a bit (not surprising when the topic is related to Apartheid in some way). Nevertheless, I was born in these times - to a white father and coloured mother. They had their fair share of troubles under the previous regime. They were often running from the police and needed to live quite inconspicuously in order to avoid unnecessary attention, which could lead to brutal attacks from the police and even jail-time. But in spite of all their attempts to stay out of sight, they were still spotted at times and attacked.  When I was younger I always assumed that these laws and conditions in the country prevented us from meeting my father's family. By 1994, when democracy finally came, I was living far away from Cape Town, I was a  young girl attending high school and, I guess, I never really thought about meeting them at that stage, because I don't recall wondering about them.

As I got older I started wondering about them again. I'd moved back to Cape Town and I started thinking how strange it was that I'd never met any of my uncles, aunts or cousins. I was an adult already! Apartheid was long gone - no laws, no restriction. Why had I not met them yet? I guess life just works that way - you don't miss what you don't know.

About 2 weeks ago, my mom calls me up and asks me to go with them to see my father's brother. Wow! At the age of 30, when I was actually beginning to accept that meeting them wasn't really in the plan for this life and knowing them wasn't a necessary element for the achievement of my purpose in this life, here comes this invitation...

I must admit, it was a very strangest experience. Sitting there, in the company of people who are related to me and at the same time are complete strangers. Family - yet no bond, no history, no memories. Peculiar, to say the least.

So, I finally met them. All these years I'd wondered how that very scene would play out. I was obviously a little bit shocked, since in my head I'd never imaged that they could be just ordinary people like the rest of us. They were something else in my head. It's funny the stories we tell ourselves...the things we cook up in our heads.

Nevertheless, I've realised that making that connection was quite important. There's something strangely significant about knowing where you come from and understanding your roots. There will always be some sort of void in your life (whether you realise it or not) until you make that connection. Hearing stories about my great grandparents and how my farther and his siblings were raised was a special and eye-opening experience. I've always loved it when the old people tell stories about the days when they were young. It leaves me with such a special feeling. Those stories seem like they come from far-away places - and in some way they do -  that can only be recreated in the imagination

Though, I can't completely describe how yet, I have become more grounded as an individual now that I've discovered my roots...

DISCOVERY: Like trees, our roots ground us. Family plays a significant role in the formation of our identities and until we know our families, we are in some way incomplete. I however, feel like there's another lesson in this for me, one which has not yet become clear to me, but I believe that in time it will. This lesson has to do with the timing of them showing up in my life. I believe that there is significance in that too, but I'm yet to discover it.

I also had a chance to revisit a discovery I'd made about myself a long time ago, while writing this post - I hate racism! Actually, I hate all types of oppression. I don't think I need to say much more about this - it needs no explanation.