Betrayal of the self

I did not realise the consequences of my betrayal of myself
Deep destruction of my physical, mental and spiritual health
Indescribable beasts that tear me apart
Irreparable damage to my heart
Words of unworthiness run through my mind
Stares at myself through judgmental eyes
 
From the truth I hide
I run
I hide
I crawl under rocks in my mind
I drown in the oceans of my soul
All because I choose to play this role
That leaves me cold and old and dead
 
When will this masquerade come to end?
When will I no longer defend
Ideas, thoughts and words that I can’t even comprehend
There is something I must do
It’s time to be true
To this power that lays dormant inside
Only because I choose the lies
I’ve allowed my truth to be dulled by the views of society
A society that breads murder, abuse, prostitution, poverty
 
The deception is here to stay
It was mine yesterday, but not today and not tomorrow and never again
I will not hide
I will not run
I will crawl until I am able to walk
Then soon after I will talk
Speak my truth
Regain the honesty that was lost with youth
 
That demon of the dark no longer surrounds me
My power is being set free
Slowly
Finding its way into the light
I now choose my own wrong and right.
In the freedom of my own thoughts I delight


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